Angry at the Office: How Paying Attention to Our Emotions Can Help Us Understand Our Work Hurt (Part 1)
by Meryl Herr
Have you ever felt angry at work?
Maybe it was last week when someone forgot to reload the paper drawer in the copier or last month when your coworker missed an important deadline. Perhaps you silently brood over the pay gap between men and women in your organization. Or you could be someone who erupts when receiving negative feedback.
What Is Anger?
Brené Brown writes that anger is “an emotion that we feel when something gets in the way of a desired outcome or when we believe there’s a violation of the way things should be.” We can find plenty of reasons to be angry in our daily work. The interesting thing about anger, though, is that it's often a signal that something else is wrong. Some scholars categorize anger as a secondary emotion–a response to another emotion we’re feeling below the surface.
Investigating Our Anger
One of the most helpful tools I’ve discovered for exploring what lies beneath my anger is the AHEN acronym. It stands for Anger, Hurt, Expectation, and Need. I can’t recall where I learned about it, but it’s been revolutionary. The acronym suggests that we might be angry because we’ve experienced hurt, had an expectation that wasn’t met, or had a need that wasn’t fulfilled. Understanding the true source of my anger has helped me determine a wise course for managing it. Do I need to have a conversation? Revisit my expectations? Advocate for my needs?
Recently, I listened to some interviews with recently terminated federal employees. Though they didn’t all express anger in their interviews, their stories highlight the different aspects of being fired that could lead to anger. One individual was hurt because they had been let go from their dream job. Another felt like his expectations weren’t met. Reflecting on how he was fired, he said in effect, “This isn’t how we communicate here.” Others needed secure employment, a paycheck, and benefits that would no longer be provided by their federal employer.
Processing Our Anger
While anger can fuel us, it can also drain us. Brené Brown adds, “Because it activates our nervous systems and can hijack our thoughts and behaviours, it can take a real toll on our mental and physical health.” Unresolved and uncontrolled anger can also wreak havoc on our relationships and careers. It’s to everyone’s advantage for us to find out what’s beneath our anger so we can pursue help and healing.
Paying attention to the anger we experience at the office can help us determine if it’s due to work hurt. If it is, we can turn to a special type of prayer to process it. More on that in Part 2
Learn more about Meryl’s work at https://merylherr.substack.com/ or order her book When Work Hurts: Building Resilience When You’re Beat Up or Burnt Out at leading booksellers.
Photo credit: Simran Sood, Unsplash